You may have noticed that Days 1-5 have gone password-protected. I do this after about a week in case I decide at some point to revise the work. Email me if you’d like the password for the older NaPoWriMo posts that I will be taking down throughout the month.
This morning, we went hiking at Anadel State Park in California. About ten minutes into the hilly trail, there was a sign about what to do in the case of a mountain lion attack. When I got back to the hotel, I looked up advice about that very topic on this website (http://www.essortment.com/all/mountainlionat_rfem.htm) and, using a process I first saw used by Dana Guthrie Martin at My Gorgeous Somewhere, I replaced all references to a mountain lion with the word “poet.”
So here is:
“How to Survive A Poet Attack”
Never, out of curiosity, approach a poet,
no matter how tame and friendly she seems.
Poets usually do not like confrontation so, if
you do happen to have contact, leave a wide
berth between you and the poet for her escape.
Never run from a poet. Running stimulates
a poet’s natural instinct to chase. Be sure
to make contact with the poet and stand up
as tall as possible. Making yourself look larger
intimidates the poet and often makes her run.
Open your jacket and flap it about, yell, throw
stones but make sure you react so that the poet
knows that you are the one in control, not her.
If you are attacked, fight back. Never succumb
or roll into a ball. Hit as hard as possible, especially
to the head area. If you can retrieve a stick or
large rock, use it as a weapon. If face to face
with the poet, go for the eyes by clawing or
throwing sand in the face of the poet. Poets will
usually strike the back of the head, especially
the neck, so be vigilant to protect these areas
and, if at all possible, remain standing face to
face with the poet once she is attacking. If you
are attacked from the back, try to reposition
yourself to meet the poet face to face. Poets
usually weigh between one hundred to one
hundred and fifty pounds, so if at all possible,
get the poet off your back and throw her over
and forward. This maneuver, if you can do it,
will also sometimes stun the poet and give you
a chance to grab a weapon. Under no circumstances
fall to the ground and roll into a fetal position. If you
do this, your chances of survival are limited. Once you
are down, the poet sees you as nothing but small prey.
Remember poets are unpredictable, but they usually
avoid confrontations. Attacks are on the upswing
but still rare. The chances that you will ever have
an encounter with a poet in the wilderness is rare,
but be prepared and know what to do if the situation
ever arises. It is always better to be safe than sorry.